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Addicted to Unhappiness : Free yourself from moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work, and the life you want Hardcover – August 23, 2002

by Martha Pieper (Author), William Pieper (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 62 ratings
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A revealing look at a hidden addiction and how to conquer it Addicted to Unhappiness, the powerful new book by the bestselling author team of Martha and William Pieper, is based on the Piepers' discovery that the most common obstacle to fulfillment is a secret addiction to unhappiness. Drawing upon their years of experience in counseling children and adults, the authors explain how parenting styles based on discipline and excessive expectations condition children to equate unhappiness with love. Using fascinating and inspiring case examples, the authors illustrate how this unconscious association often persists into adulthood and leads to a variety of selfsabotaging behaviors, including eating disorders, overspending, compulsive gambling, fear of change, disastrous romantic choices, substance abuse, stalled careers, and more. Most important, it supplies readers with an array of powerful, proven tools, including self-assessments, checklists, simple diaries, and exercises, for overcoming their secret need to be unhappy.
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  1. Print length
    256 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    McGraw-Hill
  4. Publication date
    August 23, 2002
  5. Dimensions
    6.25 x 0.75 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0071385495
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0071385497
  8. See all details
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From the Back Cover

Are you experiencing the happiness you deserve?

If you have difficulty keeping resolutions, fight with those you care about, or find it hard to rebound emotionally from upsetting events, you may be suffering from an addiction to unhappiness. Fortunately, the power to improve the most meaningful aspects of your life always remains in your own hands, especially with Addicted to Unhappiness as your guide.

Like so many others who struggle to better their lives, you have probably made repeated attempts at improvement that never resulted in lasting change. Best-selling author team Martha and William Pieper apply their years of psychotherapeutic work with children, adolescents, and adults to show you that before you can live the life you want it helps to recognize and understand the internal struggles that stand in your way. In this powerful, breakthrough guide, you'll learn how this addiction to unhappiness stems from parenting styles based on discipline and excessive expectations, which condition children to equate unhappiness with love, and you'll discover how to overcome your addiction and achieve a stable sense of inner balance and happiness.

Both optimistic and realistic, Addicted to Unhappiness focuses equally on effective strategies for positive change and on combating the forces that oppose self-improvement. The phases in overcoming the addiction to unhappiness are: getting started (even when you don't feel like it); coping with episodes of backsliding; keeping your resolve when it starts to evaporate; and thinking of yourself as a recovering addict to unhappiness.

The Piepers offer you a lifelong program to guide you through the journey to self-fulfillment. You'll learn how to transform those inevitable moments when you lose momentum into opportunities for growth and long-term success. You will discover that backsliding is actually part of the healing process rather than a reason to feel upset and discouraged.

Start getting more pleasure out of life. Addicted to Unhappiness arms you with the knowledge to change your life for the better, and forever.

Are YOU addicted to unhappiness?

  • Are you unable to follow through on important resolutions?
  • Are you frustrated or inefficient at work?
  • Is your love life unrewarding or filled with conflict?
  • Are you plagued by unpleasant emotions for no apparent reason?

    Break free from discomfort and hold on to happiness.

    Everyone is born with the potential to live happy, fulfilled lives, but many of us find it difficult to realize that potential. Best-selling authors Martha and William Pieper will help you understand how you unknowingly became an addict to unhappiness and then give you effective strategies to help you recognize and overcome the learned need to undermine your constructive efforts. Using real-life examples drawn from their clinical experience, the authors provide insights and suggestions that help you choose and maintain the happiness you deserve.

    In Addicted to Unhappiness, you'll discover:

    • The origins of your addiction and ways it interferes in your life
    • A step-by-step plan to kick your habit
    • How to turn setbacks into victories
    • The ability to move beyond relationship conflicts and embrace closeness
    • Effective ways to get control over painful moods
    • A successful approach to achieving a healthy weight and a fit body

      And much more!

About the Author

Martha H. Pieper, Ph.D., and William J. Pieper, M.D., coauthored the bestselling Smart Love. They have been in private practice treating children, adolescents, and adults for more than 25 years. Both have supervised mental health professionals and pursued clinical research at the University of Chicago and other prestigious academic and professional institutions.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill; First Edition (August 23, 2002)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071385495
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0071385497
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.18 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.25 x 0.75 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 62 ratings

About the author

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Martha Heineman Pieper

Martha Heineman Pieper

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Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D., is an author and psychotherapist who works with children and parents and serves as a consultant to family services agencies and other mental health professionals. A Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Radcliffe College, she earned her doctorate in Clinical Social Work at the University of Chicago. With her late husband, William J. Pieper, M.D., she wrote the bestselling parenting book "Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regulating, and Enjoying Your Child" as well as the bestselling adult self-help book "Addicted to Unhappiness. "The second edition of "Addicted to Unhappiness: How Hidden Motives for Unhappiness Keep You from Creating the Life You Truly Want, And What You Can Do," was published in October 2019 by Smart Love Press, LLC.

In 2012 Pieper released her first children's book based on Smart Love principles, "Mommy, Daddy, I Had a Bad Dream!" The book entertains children while it shows them how to understand and master their bad dreams. It also provides parents with loving and effective strategies for responding to children who wake them in the night with bad dreams. "Mommy, Daddy, I Had a Bad Dream!" won the 2012 Bronze IPPY Award for Children's Picture Books, the 2012 Gelett Burgess Children’s Book Award for Storybooks, the Ben Franklin first prize for Children's Picture Books from the Independent Book Publishers Association, Creative Child Magazine's 2012 Book of the Year, and a Mom's Choice Gold Award for Excellence. It also made the Indie Next List, was an Award-Winning Finalist in the Children's Picture Book: Hardcover Fiction Category of the 2012 International Book Awards, won Best Book in two categories (Children's Picture Book and Children's Mind/Body/Spirit) of the 2012 USA Book News Awards, was named Best Children's Book of 2012 by Sharp Writ Awards, and was a finalist in the 2012 Foreword Book of the Year Awards in the Children's Picture Book Category.

In 2017 Smart Love Press published the children's picture book "Jilly's Terrible Temper Tantrums: And How She Outgrew Them." When Jilly, a happy little kangaroo, has a series of Terrible Temper Tantrums, her parents lovingly help her through them. Children will be very familiar with the frustrations that trigger Jilly's upset feelings and will applaud her dawning understanding that seeking help and a hug is far superior to the misery of a temper tantrum. "An impressive blend of original and entertaining storytelling with colorfully charming illustrations, 'Jilly's Terrible Temper Tantrums: And How She Outgrew Them' is very highly recommended and certain to be an enduringly popular, 'kid friendly' addition to family, preschool, elementary school, and community library picture book collections." (Midwest Book Review). The book won a Gold Mom's Choice Award, Purple Dragonfly Award, NAPPA award, and a Feathered Quill Award.

In 2024 Pieper along with co-author Kelly Perez, Director of the Smart Love Preschool are publishing a manual for preschool and kindergarten teachers, "The Happiest Preschool: A Manual for Teachers." All of the strategies presented in this manual will increase teachers’ enjoyment and effectiveness and enrich a preschool, regardless of its affiliation. Increasingly progressive educators are focusing on play-based learning and social-emotional development, but "The Happiest Preschool: A Manual for Teachers" is unique in providing a comprehensive and thorough discussion of this focus and illustrating all precepts with teachable examples. In addition, there are sections on understanding and helping children with the feelings underlying fantasy play; on the importance of partnering with parents; and on informed ways of helping children who are under emotional stress. Moreover, the manual is an invaluable asset for parents trying to choose a preschool or kindergarten for their child.

Martha Heineman Pieper’s professional experience and path-breaking research into the causes and effects of children’s inner happiness or unhappiness form the guiding principle for Smart Love Family Services, a not-for-profit agency in Chicago that provides psychotherapy services, parent education, and toddler and preschool programs. Smart Love Family Services also offers free webinars on topics important for parents. Dr. Pieper also co-wrote and co-developed the comprehensive psychology, Intrapsychic Humanism, which is the basis and inspiration for the non-profit Inner Humanism Society, which is dedicated to research and education on Inner Humanism, the psychotherapy developed by Pieper and her late husband, William J. Pieper. The original and groundbreaking psychology of "Intrapsychic Humanism is explicated in Intrapsychic Humanism: An Introduction to a Comprehensive Psychology and Philosophy of Mind"(Falcon II Press, 1990). Articles and talks by Dr. Pieper can be found on her website.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
62 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

M
5.0 out of 5 stars Addicted to Unhappiness
Reviewed in the United States on May 17, 2011
Verified Purchase
I ordered this book after meeting a woman who lived a miserable life. She was constantly complaining about everyone. She had no integrity and no friends; she was constantly fighting with neighbors, co-workers, bosses, clients. She was relentlessly vindictive and cruel to everyone who disagreed with her. But what made her the most angry was anyone who was happy. It was like she was on a mission from God to stamp out all joy by using cunning, two-faced back-stabbing, sabotage, mean-ness...she even told outright lies to get people fired. Her goal in life is to become the most tyranical, disreputable, unethical terrorist possible.
Before I met her, I had always believed the Dahli Lama, that all sentient beings share one thing in common: their desire for the relief of suffering and the striving toward ultimate happiness. And this had helped me understand all the different types of people I had met in life...until her.
After I met her, I would ask myself, "What's the matter with her?" "How could anyone act like that?" "What is she thinking?" "How could a person ever turn out like that?" I had almost given up trying, and resigned myself to feeling fortunate that I could never think the way she did, grateful that my brain just could not understand hers.
I am so very relieved to have found this book. It explains everything in a way that lay-people can understand. It is a compassionate book, insightful, thorough, factual; and it gives us all hope for a brighter future and ultimate happiness.
I have already recommended it for everyone I know who is still struggling with her and for everyone else I have met since who tells me of their struggles with similar people who are addicted to unhappiness.
5 people found this helpful
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Radhakrishnan
5.0 out of 5 stars Happiness, simple and lasting
Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2009
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Addicted happiness is a good book on how we learn to be unhappy. It is similar to Martin Saligman's book, but less academic. It is more practical. The concepts are same - that we learn to be unhappy.

This book surmises how in child hood we learn that unhappy feelings are confused with happy feelings. This happens unconsciously and without our knowing. Since unhappy feelings are confused with happy ones we begin to think unconsciously that unhappy feelings have a purpose and therefore necessary. The book reiterates that unhappy feelings are parents' approval of our behavior and since we are dependent and imitate we started believing that they are normal and required.

Te authors also identifies two types of unhappiness - one which are genuine: loss of a relative, being skipped for promotions and so on. This is short lived and goes off in time. There is another kind, which magnifies the genuine unhappiness and draws all kinds of connotations to it. This is the one that makes mountains out of molehills. This is because of the addiction. Therefore it is important to differentiate them.

The author provides simple steps for stepping out of this addiction: Identify what causes unhappiness. Next time anticipate it. Though a pretty basic advice, somehow I found this really acceptable.

Overall simple and educational. This could make difference in our lives and on how we raise our children.
6 people found this helpful
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Mike Salas
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in the United States on August 3, 2017
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Good book!
2 people found this helpful
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Laurie S.
3.0 out of 5 stars Learning a Lot
Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2006
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This book taught me a lot about myself. It's worth buying.
5 people found this helpful
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Debbie Moshenrose
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book, lousy title.
Reviewed in the United States on June 13, 2010
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This book was exactly what I expected. I wasn't very happy with the title because I don't think emotional patterns of early childhood can truly be classified as addictions. If you can get past that, then the book is very useful in helping someone understand how early conditioning can create unhealthy filters in how we both perceive the world around us, and what we interpret as love. There are helpful guidelines in breaking those patterns.
4 people found this helpful
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Joe Thome
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyhone should read Addicted to Unhappioness.
Reviewed in the United States on December 20, 2013
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Addicted to Unhappiness presents a very interesting theory on why a lot of people do say and do stupid things which make getting along with others more difficult. How accurate this theory really is is difficult to say but it does present explanations which have a ring of validity and leave one thinking that just maybe it could explain some behaviors one becomes a witness to.
One person found this helpful
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Amanda D. Gojara
5.0 out of 5 stars Now I know where my behavior stems from...
Reviewed in the United States on October 4, 2013
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It's amazing what this book has taught me. I learned what kind of personality I developed as an infant due to the kind of nurturing, or lack there of, I received.
3 people found this helpful
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Bodhi
5.0 out of 5 stars I would suggest this book for anyone that is looking ...
Reviewed in the United States on August 25, 2014
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I would suggest this book for anyone that is looking to find some clarity around how we habitually tend to create unhappiness in our own lives...
One person found this helpful
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